Subway Monday

I should just only fucking talk about the subway since that is where all the bad shit in THE WORLD HAPPENS.  I don't even want to read the news anymore because the only thing worse than warring nations is warring NYC commuters in the morning.

Today's mishap: A hasidic (spelling?) Jew with a four inch long skin tag on his neck decides to be that very last person that slips into the L train doors at the Bedford Avenue stop.  In order to accomplish this task he grabs the man's shoulder next to me to wedge his mammoth body into the chamber and into my cock.  Rather than shuffling himself in the center of the door with his back against it, which most humans prefer to do since it not only gives you a little room but also allows other people to not fall victim to your hot breath, he decides to fall on me for most of the trip to 1st Avenue.  As most of you know, this sojourn through the dark tunnel is not a quick and easy feat.  

In great frustration, I shove my Jack Spade between my cock and the Rabbi whilst rolling my eyes and acting super faggy as a sort of "fuck you"to the great Torah.  With crazy batty eyes and another skin tag flapping along his eyelid, Rabbi starts muttering to me in Yiddish.  As if.

At Union Square when I think I am finally going to be free, mother fucker decides to block the entire door so that I basically am unable to move.  I am shoved, cursed at and spit on by the people trying to get out.  Rabbi seems to blame me for this idiocy.  After the crowd clears and I avoid stoning, I sit down.  For the entire next stop I'm afraid to make eye contact with the crazy dreidel because I thought he was going to knife me for shoving my Jack Spade into his fat rotunudo abdomen.  He also picked his nose (openly I may add graciously) the entire trek from US to 6th.  I made it though.  Mazel Tov to me.

Union Square update:Did anyonse see the freak who looked like a fairy tale witch and had numerous face piercings squeezing the plastic shark (that squeaked) into the faces of alarmed passers-by on this evening's commute home?  I hated her too.