Subway Report. Last evening. I'm sweating I just left the gym and I look completely heinous and unfit to be classified as human being. I sit and I read On Beauty by the delectable Zadie Smith. In walks a foreign object with bright pink hair. She smells like sour onions and the air directs cheeks to spontaneously sag in disgust. Pink is accompanied by an albino male with long white hair and another girl who may be a lesbian but isn't nearly as grotesque as the other two. The discussion commences:
Less Hideous Girl: So I used to have all these piercings on my face and my dad paid me money to have them in less visual places.
Albino: Slides greasy hand on bar above my head and grunts
Pink: (in husky voice) How much?
Less Hideous Girl: Enough
Pink: (really smelling like onions now) My body piercings make me giggle when I'm on hallucinogenics.
Less Hideous Girl: (you can tell she wants to bite her own nipples off and make an O face)
Pink: I mean as an unemployed bartender I don't really give a fuck what I look like and I don't think people do either.
Albino: (lost in a Dr. Zizmor ad to the disappointment of his lady loves)
Pink: (trying to sound impressive) Yeah I had a mohawk when I was 13
Less Hideous Girl: (seat is dripping) wow
Pink: Yeah then I had dreadlocks all through high school
Less Hideous Girl: I always wanted dreadlocks you know that started with cornrows and then just like flowed out - but my job would like totally kill me.
Pink: I dig that
Albino: (re-reading the number to Dr. Zizmor) he grunts.
Pink: Hey! have you seen the ad for pubic hair dye? They have a color that is exactly my hair and it's called "fun." So I'm like fun (cough).
Albino: OMG that's so cool!
Pink: (Top of her lungs) - Too bad I don't have a carpet to match the draped. I should grow out my carpet.
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